Good morning starshine

It’s another Monday. They pounce, don’t they. You have a long lazy weekend, just chasing your insane, sugar-fueled brood around the house trying to ensure that they don’t a) kill themselves or b) destroy anything of significant monetary value. You are well rested, in whatever sense someone with children can ever be well rested. Then comes Monday. And here we are. Any hope of stupidity evaporating through some kind of miracle during the weekend is instantly crushed under the vast jackboot of dumbness that is the internet.

My favorite “oh but this is a new economy, companies won’t go bankrupt from now on”-theory of the weekend comes from SUN Microsystems, purveyors of the finest in data corrupting SAN storage. Their CTO, the inimitable Greg Papadopoulos (I always wonder whether he is related to Ioannis “What’s in it for me” Papadopoulos) has brought out The Red Shift Theory. See what he does there, freely lending some credibility from an established theory to bring out a bunch of crap and dump it on us. A favorite nugget:

Papadopoulos argues that red-shift companies will enjoy exponential business growth in the coming years. Blue-shift companies–those whose processing needs aren’t exploding–will grow at about the same rate as GDP, he says.

This translates to “If you don’t buy a lot of shit from us then you will grow slowly, like the GDP – but if you buy our shit then you will grow exponentially”. This means that we are back in bubble territory people. When former MIT professors open their mouths and spout scientifically sounding crap like this that means that the tin foil hats are on, the crack pot theorists have a field day and we can only wait for Bill Joy to come running out of the woodwork to warn us that we should start keeping an eye on our coffee machines less they kill us in our sleep.
It’s real easy really. SUN wants to sell more of their big boxes. They feel that they are threatened by commodity servers and they want to make the case that if you big boxes you can grow more, be more profitable and gosh-darnit more women will want to sleep with you.

I leave it up to the reader to figure out whether this has anything to do with our current physical reality. (Clue: it doesn’t)


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