Nokia & Universal – a Las Vegas Drive-through Marriage

Around 20 years ago or so, a friend of mine wrote a number of – well, call them short stories. They all featured the finnish farmer Paavo, a strong and silent man who rode his tractor around Finland to right all that was wrong. Paavo was irresistible to women, could beat any man and was generally a (finnish) man’s man. In short: an asshole. Now there is a new, semi-fictious finnish asshole in town; Nokia.

“We will become the world’s greatest internet company”. Yeah, fuck you too. And really people, if you are going to put people in front of the press, make sure they don’t suck. Head of multimedia (the early 90’s called, they want their buzzword back) Anssi Vanjoki said – regarding the licensing deal with Universal: “People want access to music. With this offer there’s no longer any reason to download music illegally”. Ok. His head must have been spinning on his shoulders as he said this. Nokia: Universal has 25ish percent of the market share. That means that even if it was true that all owners of Nokia phones could download DRM-free music that they could listen to anywhere they would only have access to roughly a quarter of the music they’d want to listen to. Way to stop piracy dead in it’s tracks there Nokia. However, the $5 you pay Universal is going to end up on the consumer’s tab anyway won’t it? And the DRM… Well, let’s just say that playing your downloaded music anywhere other than your phone will require an “upgrade” which will cost “money”. No wait. Scratch the quote marks on that last part. They will charge you for burning a CD.

Nokia – you need a new tagline. I suggest this one.

Nokia – where free means you pay


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